Infumurari

Personal, nu sunt foarte deranjată de înfumurarea unui om inteligent. Am o ciudată indulgență (ca să nu-i spun slăbiciune) pentru mințile sclipitoare. Fără să fie un garant al gândirii robuste, înfumurarea poate fi de înțeles la anumite profile umane cu toleranță scăzută la o realitate inevitabil mediocră. Nu toți deștepții reușesc să se descurce într-o lume plină de nătărăi. Înfumurarea îi ajută să păstreze distanța, să-i trimită pe netoți „la locul lor”.

Intolerabilă, însă, îmi pare un anumit tip de expansivitate, de autosuficiență exuberantă care anulează pur și simplu orice formă de dialog, care pustiește totul în jur. Mă refer aici la un anumit fel de a umple spațiul, dându-i Celuilalt – netot sau om normal – un brânci, aruncându-l în Neant. Această expansivitate este, cred, specifică unor deștepți narcisici, locvace, cu inteligență „bolnavă”, explozivă, nesistematizată, și totuși cvasi-autistă.

Dacă înfumurarea deșteptului este oarecum selectivă și-l pune pe celălalt – considerat netot – la locul lui, expansivitatea deșteptului este neselectivă și, practic, nu-i dă voie celuilalt să existe. Înfumurarea poate fi o strategie interpersonală “contondentă”. Expansivitatea de care vorbesc anulează, în schimb, orice tip de relație cu Celălalt; se încadrează, astfel, în zona patologicului.

Exuberanța ta, plăcerea de a te lăfăi în propriu-ți discurs, plăcerea de a împroșca în jur cu idei și informații, îl costă pe Celălalt viața.
Acești deștepți, acești exuberanți, cum își mai merită ei potopul de flegme de pe buzele proștilor!

(Foto: christianmomthoughts.com)

DOWNGRADE OR UPGRADE

I am writing these lines with my very own hand, in my little black notebook. Next to the hand that writes is my laptop. On my – now black – laptop screen I see the white, promising words: „Installing. About 22 minutes remaining.” My laptop is a Macbook that faultlessly updates itself. I trust everything will be fine. Why shouldn’t be? I have invested in a good computer. I trust my computer. I trust it more than I trust myself.

I for one need a lot of luck to just be. To smile, I need more than luck. I need a tremendous amount of determination to change the direction of my mouth’s line.

In order for my kids to make it to the daycare three October days in a row, I need a ridiculously big amount of luck.

Out of them all who live in this house, I trust my computer the most. The rest of us have installation issues. We fail easily.

Everybody fails – people, groups of people, whole countries.

In order for us to live beautifully, we need more than a life instinct, we also need good algorithms.

People are never good at sticking with the algorithms they themselves have invented. Once they come up with a good algorithm, they make a machine do it, so that they can go back to their instincts and anxieties.

There’s nothing really promising about us, except our technology.

We invent promising technology, but we truly are disappointing beings – unable to re-start or re-invent ourselves. I dare say technology has become, in many ways, more human, more reliable, even kinder than we are. Actually, the more confused we get, the more we depend on technology.

We pass our „installation issues” on to our children. We go from bad to worse. However, we create technology that is is faultlessly updating itself, technology that saves lives and time. Technology that saves our children from ourselves.

We reserve our right to fail, to be confused, selfish and unlucky. There must be some kind of human pride into getting it all wrong!

Meanwhile, our reward for being miserable is the sincere smile of a cool new gadget who lives in our phone.

(Foto: dailymail.co.uk)

The New Age

What does old age mean anyway?

It looks like it is a vague notion of a confusing something that somehow involves your body, your mind and your ability to even think about death. The older you get, the lesser your chances of proving yourself ready for dying.

Does this sound like a major paradox? It is not!

The truth is, the aged ones are fully and anxiously motivated to accomplish something the younger ones simply fail to accomplish: living for today, kindly refusing to think ahead.
Have you ever opened a geriatrics magazine? Even the New Musical Express is more pessimistic!

Old age and health are redefined year after year. A deep and fascinating mentality (and demographic) revolution has started: the old age is not the old age anymore, it is the new age. Aged people make great patients, great consumers of fine hotels, great owners of luxury cars, great seekers of highly comfortable houses, great clients in general, and great hedonists in particular.

Furthermore, they are retired; which means, they have all the time in the world. And all their time is now. A never-ending present.

(Foto: everseradio.com)

Know-how

Age beautifully? OK. Sounds nice. But how?

You cannot do it unless you start practicing really early. There is no way you can decide in your 50s that it would be so much nicer to age with dignity. When it will actually happen, it will be too late to put the „aesthetics” before the function.

You hoped for a successful „paradigm shift”, but what you actually get when you look in the mirror is just a less convincing version of yourself.

The truth is, the older you get, the less reasonable you become. You will “naturally” start losing precision not only in gestures, but also in thoughts and in goals. You become more and more confused and your confusion will make the younger ones suspect you have no privileged access to any mysteries of life. Now you are not only old, you are also stupid. And scared too.

Professionally, you are paralyzed. It looks like the great work you have had in your maturity years does not back up your present work. Because of your inability to project yourself in the future, the present becomes a swamp that swallows you whole. Actually your whole life – lived in the present – becomes a swamp! The Present is a monster that feeds on your soul.

Less metaphorically put, there seems to be a tension between what you have done and what you do. This tension between then and now will turn against you the moment you fail to manage it wisely. Truth is, the moment you realize the future starts to narrow down, you panic and start fumbling with options, objects and desires.

There is, perhaps, only one way to start aging beautifully: to become enormously selective. Learning the concision, striving for precision. In every counter-intuitive manner imaginable.

(Foto: bafta.org)

THE BRIGHTEST DEAL

Go out and look at people. Have you noticed their faces? Their September faces? They are glowing, confident, snappy!

That extravagant summer tan is slowly fading, leaving all those cappuccino-coloured spots behind – on foreheads, shoulders, necks.

The eyes are back in action. There is no more summer lust running down the cheeks like half-melted strawberry ice cream, NO. Watch closely! Look into people’s eyes! Behind those September sunglasses, there are perky eyes, not dilated pupils.

Mouths are talking into phones so the lips look thinner, as they move faster. Smiles are cleverer, collars are stiff, the neckline is high, the hair gets darker, and the brain gets excited.

Look at all these supernatural, smooth faces walking up or down the streets, look at all these people heading somewhere and necessarily believing that they are going to make a big difference. Look at them! Look at us! We already feel transfigured by our future, we believe in transactions and ideal customers, we believe in transparent markets and low rents, we believe in communication, ecology, in peace, love, and understanding. We believe in all those things that seemed unbelievably funny during summer.

God knows, this city has never been more optimistic. The sun has never been kinder, it has become the ideal client to work with. And look at us in the light of September sun, look at us, all self-delusional, completing the brightest deal of our lives, making our personal contribution to the well being of the Universe.

Everything turned to heavy gold bars under September sunshine; just reach out and grab one, they’ll be all gone by Christmas. And you’ll be just another sucker.

(Foto: thestylepreneur.com)

Femme fatale

To advertise yourself as both smart & sexy is not only narcissistic, it is also inefficient and tacky. It makes you look greedy; and ultimately foolish. Also, it is the easiest way to be misunderstood by your awfully heterogeneous „target audience”. By playing both cards at once, you will not only lose both, but you will also live to see both qualities turned against you.

Sadly, all unwise women religiously believe in conventional wisdom, therefore most unwise women force themselves into the limelight by recommending themselves through trendy clichés, like smart & sexy.

Nobody told them that managing such (supposedly) dangerous attributes is solely a matter of self-control; and that self-control is solely a matter of true wisdom.

And so a wise woman knows that being considered smart & sexy is irrelevant to the two vital questions: „will I ever get laid?” and „will I ever get a Nobel prize?”

If you feel you are smart & sexy, go home and work on your greed level. Those dudes from the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences cannot handle a woman like you. Not just yet.

(Foto: maggiemcneill.wordpress.com)

All of us, passers-by

We meet dozens of people every day. Most of them have no particular abilities, no particular hobbies, no particular purposes, no particular ambitions, and no particular appearance. And most of them look sad.

Ask them why. You will soon find out where their sadness comes from: they are disappointed for not being able to do certain things. What kind of things? „Well, you know, stuff.” Stuff they couldn’t have done anyway.

People may feel a little bit miserable for losing things; but they could just agonize in despair over things they never had: a manor house, a mistress, a yacht, a pair of blue eyes, a pony.

The common man walking down the street feels he is entitled to experience all sublime pleasures; or, if he really must, the sublime disappointment of not getting the pleasure he has been hoping for.

All those shattered chances – that could never come his way, anyway – make him lose his sleep, his mind, his sobriety. Ah, that glamorous sadness! Ah, that anger that ratifies everything!

He is an expert in looking like he is missing the chance of his life because of some unfortunate circumstances, although none of those circumstances really existed. Of course, he could never really make sense of the chances he already got. It never occurred to him to expand his self-knowledge. Or to explore his reality, looking for viable options, improving his standpoint. Everyday reality is irremediably mediocre. There is nothing in there for him.

Dozens of joyless people wander up and down the hallways of institutions, banks, hotels, gyms, malls, airports heading toward no goal, spreading confusion, misery and nonsensical boredom all around them. Go ahead and ask them something about themselves, you will see, they know nothing. They hardly know their last name.

Still, they look highly disappointed; the disappointment of kings that had their crowns stolen.

(Foto: o.canada.com)

Come down

The art of lowering your expectations. Nobody tells you there is such a thing. Nobody tells you how to master it. Nobody tells you when is the right time to learn it. And why it is so important.

It is all about reaching high. Dream new dreams, try harder until you succeed or drop dead. Fly high anyway! Fly or die! You are a pilot that does not know how to land, only to take off. What can be more mortifying than being forced to land when you were never taught how to do it?

There is no point, you might think, in telling people (how) they should do less. They are doing too little anyway! They need boosting, not a reality pill! Do not bring people down! Lift them up! Tell them how great they are! If they mess it up eventually, then, of course, you have every right to call them „a failure”. After all, you did your part, you were supportive. If they have not done theirs, they must be losers, right?

The problem with „losers” is that nobody told them when it was the right time to give up their dreams in order to save their reality. Maybe nobody told them why landing could be sometimes the only viable option.

You cannot live your life according to a phantasmagorical system of expectations. You will just end up severely depressed. I think every neurosis is a little bit about pathologically handling your expectations…

In truth, one day you too will be a failure. You know that, of course, but what is the use of anticipating a disaster? When it happens, it happens, you might think. But is it really? Does it really come THAT naturally? And can you take it „like a man”? No. Not unless you know exactly what is happening to you.

No one can „simply” fail. Failing is not natural, failing it is not „bad luck”, failing is your perception on your own standards of action and achievement process. Therefore, failing correctly is, before anything else, a self-awareness exercise. Failing without notice is not only traumatic, it is STUPID. You should have thought that one through…

Do I suggest we should hope less? Should we „downgrade” our dreams? No. I only plead for a little less ideology when it comes to understanding optimism and positive thinking. Honor your highest dreams by not expecting them to happen just because „they have to”. They do not have to. They just happen to.

Personally, I think there is no greater art in life that the art of managing your failings. Meanwhile, keep calm and fly a little lower. Between your failings and your ideals there’s still some decent life to live.

(Foto: linkedin.com)

Grow sane!

There are not that many windmills left in this world and I am tired of fake Don Quixotes. I am tired of those who use insanity as an alibi, as a defense or as a weapon. I am tired of those who sell it as art or as virtue.

Taking pleasure in your own insanity is a disguised statement of self-idolatry.

Your secret wish is to destroy others by destroying yourself. You want the whole world annihilated through your wish of self-annihilation.

But the world is not here to serve you; or to resist you. The world has its own thing. So, before it is too late, stop punishing the world through your insanity! There is absolutely no dignity – and no revenge – in refusing to cooperate with reality.

Yes, sanity is a challenge for all of us. Actually, I think you need to have a passion for it in order to succeed in staying sane. It is easier, for all of us, to succumb to various forms of insanity

Of course, sanity has its own dirty secrets, but it is still a graceful and honorable attempt to take responsibility for our own actions instead of letting others manage our outbursts and inappropriateness.

Also, when it comes to sanity, it is its quality, not quantity that matters.

Actually, sanity should be the new sexy. It is so wild, it is so rare, so extravagant, so extraordinary, so vulnerable, so powerful, it should make it on any catwalk, in any bedroom, in any political campaign.

Only he who is sane will find the courage to be eccentric, unique and truly marvelous.

An insane person is boring. An insane person is made of standardized symptoms, not of human attributes. An insane person is broken self-loving machine.

(Foto: ro.pinterest.com)

TAKE CARE!

What does it really mean to care about someone?

Lately, every sort of caring seems to be a variation of self-care.

It is against the nature to care about anyone except yourself. It is unwise, it is ridiculous, it is „way off”.

To be cared for – well, this is even worse. It is the contemporary man’s worst nightmare (and his innermost wish).

These days, looking after someone – or being looked after – is the wildest idea one could come up with: a sad need, something that has to be actively repressed.

So of course we brought pets into our homes. Looking after a pet is our ultimate emotional adventure. A pet is that little cuddly furry rewarding something we can safely care for. We are cowards and misanthropes, but we could just die for our cat.

I have read somewhere that people these days have no problems with revealing their most bizarre sexual and aggressive impulses, but they have real trouble in expressing their agape feelings. I wish Freud were alive to see psychoanalysis reversing itself, like a glove turned inside out.

There are probably too many pets in our flats, and just a few, very lonely people.

(Foto: abcnews.go.com)

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FAITH, FAMILY, FRIENDS, FREEDOM

Author Archives → Adela Toplean